The Saltlist

Satire in the Age of Letters and Technology- more than just a pinch of it.

While 3 letters make a man, only 23 make a gentleman:

By: Hemul Goel

We thought that we women could definitely give you some sort of a heads-up on style (not that you are bad but you could be way better with some help for sure). Well you need to accept that you often dress to impress but the lack of attention to those small details or the same boring dressing style (a sign of too casual an attitude) could be the reason as to why that impression isn’t good enough. And even if you are not dressing up to impress someone, what really is the harm in looking good? So we decided that we should present you with a list of alphabetically ordered pointers that will always earn you some brownie points. So without further ado, here we go:

  • A for Anything in Excess is Bad – Anything literally means anything- like over styling of hair, over grooming, over indulgence in application of fragrances and the likes.  OR:
  • Accessorize – Adding accessories gives an impression that you actually took care of certain details. Add wristwatches, rings, cuff-links, bracelets, fedoras- whatever suits you, coordinates well with your outfit and adds to your personal style too. If confused you can always take help from a trusted female friend. But always remember, bling is strictly limited to rappers.
  • B for Butt Crack Pants – Showcasing your Jockey’s and hairy (and non-hairy) bums doesn’t increase your sex appeal in anyway. Seriously.
  • C for Carrying Bags – There really are some great choices out there in bags in terms of color, cut, material, embellishments etc. Try using satchels, newsboy bags, tote bags, slings and the likes. Again it should coordinate well with your outfit and add to your personal style too.
  • D for Deep V necks – Seriously leave this one for the females. Cleavage show by the males is a big bummer.
  • E for Ed Hardy-fication – Really, all that street style gear when worn together makes you look like someone crying out loud for attention. You could totally do with adding small accessories or by wearing one piece at a time. OR:
  • Elfin shoes – I am talking about those that make you look like you could do better in a circus. Choose a subtle rounded one next time.
  • F for Facial Fuzz  – Trimming any extra fuzz here and there periodically isn’t too much of an ordeal. The first time you try your hand at it, take professional help. Check out the different beard styles that may actually suit you and if you do have really bushy eyebrows or even uni-brows, tweezing them once in a while won’t be that bad after all.
    Here’s the link to an awesome page that can provide you with the details:
    http://themenpen.wordpress.com/2011/02/10/eyebrow-waxing-and-grooming-for-men-a-basic-guide/

  • G for Grooming is Essential – We know that you always would prefer being around a woman who looks clean and smells fresh, and frankly for once we would like the same too. Personal hygiene is extremely important and could range from taking care of your hair to removing the ear wax to clipping out extra hair peeping from the nostrils and the likes.
  • H for Hair gel – Just like you don’t find our hair styled and set as hard as iron very appealing, excess of gel emptied on your hair makes us feel the same too. Not only does it smell bad, it is also making your hair brittle and dry.
  • I for Itch – We aren’t big fans of seeing you scratch in public, so avoid it at all times and under any circumstances please. It is outright offensive.
  • J for Jeans – Jeans are so versatile. You can pair them equally well with a Khadi kurta as well as a shirt. So while the smartness lies in using the versatility of this clothing, the trick lies in identifying which style teams up best with your upper clothing. While slim fits look good with a kurta, one can easily pair a flair/boot cut jean with a shirt for a casual look. This one’s the same for the females too.
  • K for Kill Not the Season’s Special – Hope that wasn’t too cryptic. It’ll be great if you could dress up according to the weather. One can quit being ‘macho’ in winters. Layering is actually easy as well as a practical solution for looking stylish in winters. Your innermost layer should be a warmer/thermal, the one above it a shirt followed by a thin knit or a sweater and finish off by adding a coat/jacket. This combination though is directly proportional to how cold you feel.
  • L for Labels – Yes we would love it if you chose shirts that did not shout out labels. Seriously those subtle labels look very classy and aren’t in your face.
  • M for Mesh Shirts – Avoid at all times, until you are doing a Bollywood item song of course!
  • N for Nails – Keep them short, clean and shaped. No we aren’t asking you to go to a manicurist but well nails that appear like edges of a broken mirror aren’t exactly attractive. So shape up!
  • O for Oral Health – We are sure you brush your teeth well but that isn’t enough. We also hope that you remember to use a tongue cleaner, floss regularly to remove that extra plaque and use a mouthwash, so when you open your mouth we don’t get the historic whiff of flavors gracing your mouth.
  • P for Polish your shoes – Buff your shoes regularly. Your shoes shouldn’t look like you just landed from a desert storm and what if someone thinks that if the shoes are so unclean then how unclean would the feet be? So in order to prevent such misconceptions about yourself please clean your shoes. Leather shoes can be done with polish, Suede ones with a damp muslin or a soft cloth, Sports shoes can either be cleaned with a wet cloth or washed.
  • Q for Quell the Desire to buy the Same Colors Every time – Incorporation of colours into your wardrobe can be a practical and effective idea. Try shifting away from the usual array of blues, blacks and browns. We aren’t asking you to step out in a white shirt and pink jeans(however if you can carry it well then why not?!) but just try adding small items like colored belts, colored ties, coloured wrist watches. Try introducing that bright element into your clothes. Wear an orange shirt with a black/ brown pants perhaps. The possibilities are endless and if in doubt trust your female friends to give you the right opinion.
  • R for Running/Sports Shoes – Give them a break. One doesn’t need to put them on every single time one goes out. Unlike girls you have lots of ‘Comfortable’ shoe styles to choose from.
  • S for Skinny Jeans – It’s actually very few men who can pull off a skinny jeans look because you seriously need some shapely legs. Garments outlining the shape of your crotch look good only if you are a ballet dancer or a gymnast, basically any sort of performing artist, so it will be a good idea to avoid them. However teaming them with Kurtas as mentioned above would be great.
  • T for Too Tight Shirts – Yes you are probably blessed with one of the best bodies but just steer clear of these. Let’s allow the upper hand in this to Mr Salman Khan only.
  • U for Undergarments – They need to be changed everyday. Really. Not only is it smelly but unhygienic too. The human body secretes stuff during the day which can go unnoticed and can lead to smells. Changing underwear at least daily helps prevent jock itch, pin-worms, and other genital infestations/infections.
  • V for Veil your Desire to Wear Yesterday’s Socks – Trust us, it is not at all good. Besides with all the activity you do where do you think all the perspiration from your feet vanishes to? It’s absorbed by your socks, and that is also the reason why you don’t have smelly feet. However if there really is a need then at least leave the used pair in the sun or to air-dry. However if you have smelly shoes then add talc or baking soda to your shoes and leave them overnight to get rid of the smell.
  • W for Waxing – Everyone is curious about this and it really is a matter of personal choice. So tread with caution. Not only should you be comfortable but also the hair-free look should suit you. Else you may just end up looking like a hairless idiot who doesn’t know the adversity of steps he has taken.

X, Y and Z aren’t needed. Hopefully you’ll do just fine if you follow A to V and as we always believe it here at The Saltlist, follow your body and fashion follows you! Be comfortable in whatever you do.

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6 comments on “While 3 letters make a man, only 23 make a gentleman:

  1. shilpa
    February 9, 2012

    nice wrk hemul……. 🙂

  2. Hemul Goel
    February 13, 2012

    Thanks Shilpa. Glad you liked it.

  3. Mannoj Thakur
    March 9, 2012

    Intelligent work,Hemul !! 🙂

  4. shruti
    May 16, 2012

    good job hemul (its shruti your h.c.a friend 12 A remember?????)

  5. hemulgoel
    May 31, 2012

    Ofcourse how can I forget? It feels so good.Thanks for reading dear,do checkout the articles by my fellows too. 🙂

    Also please be kind enough to leave your email id or some detail so I can contact you.

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This entry was posted on February 8, 2012 by in Fashion and tagged , , , , , , .

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